Re: Boundaries
This is really weird!!! I am going through this exact thing right now with my ah and my boundaries that I have made and have to keep, no matter what.
In the past, I've made really screwy boundaries- ones that I either made in the heat of the moment and were completely not what I actually wanted to do once I calmed down, or else they were way to unrealistic (meaning that I knew that I would never actually be consistent with them). Now, I make my boundaries after putting in some long hard thinking and praying, so that I know its for the right reasons- to help or control only me, not him or anyone else.
A few months back, I made one regarding my h and him being allowed in the house while he was drunk. Being that he has been on the wagon 90% of the time (didn't drink for almost 3 months this time, then went out last Sat. and then tonight), it has been easy. My doors are locked if he's been gone for more than a couple hours and I know he is definitely not at work. He has to convince me that he is not drinking.
I have had to enforce it many times, and I will keep doing it. My intentions are good this time with making this boundary. They don't include controlling him in any way, unlike my old motives when it came to how I dealt with him drinking. I made it to keep myself safe, as he flips out when drinking and I have no trust in the drunk h. It isn't easy, and I know tonight he was obviously hurt that he wasn't allowed in the house. That is what I've learned though about boundaries- not everyone around me is going to understand or respect them, but I am tired of not thinking about what I need.
((Sorry this was so long- guess I had some venting to do!))
-SFG29