I feel like part of my problem is that I've got my mom telling me I should "meet him halfway" and that "how will I ever know if he's trying if I don't give him a chance".
My mother drove me absolutely bonkers with this kind of stuff while I was splitting with my XAH.
She, of course, has had her own marriage problems in 45+ years, but has never lived with someone who is out of control, dishonest and unreliable.
It hurt. It hurt a LOT, that my own mother seemed to be more on the side of the X who had caused me so much suffering.
I am now (years later) getting to the place with my mother that when she says these sorts of things (which feel like rejection and criticism to me), where I can say "I'll take that into consideration," take some deep breaths and not allow my mind to go into that hurtful place.
She doesn't know what it's like. She helped to create my self-doubting emotional state. She is, frankly, the least qualified person to give advice in this situation.
If you have the kind of relationship where you can say this, perhaps something along the lines of: "right now, Mom, I just need to feel that you are on my side and that you love and support me unconditionally, even if you don't agree with my decisions."
It's not a rule that you have to discuss your relationship with your AH with your mother.
You are the one living this. You are the one who has the obligation to take care of yourself and your children.
It has taken me about two years to get to the place where I no longer feel anger toward my XAH. It just takes time. If you keep doing what you're doing, getting support from SR and your HP and Alanon, maybe it will come sooner for you. It's worth working toward, because it really does hurt you more than anyone.
But it takes time and work!
(((hugs)))