Okay, first let's look at what a resentment is or where it comes from. A resentment is because somebody didn't meet OUR EXPECTATIONS. My sponsor's husband said to me one day, when I was boiling over with resentments:
"What is he/she/it/they not doing, what I want he/she/it/they to do, when you want he/she/it/they to do it, to make you more comfortable?"
Well, sheesh, talk about getting 'knocked upside the head'. That phrase has stuck with me for over 25 years now, and it works every time to get ME out of resentment mode.
A resentment will leave when we(I) am more miserable carrying it around than I can stand.
I would suspect he is making sure that he tells you of every meeting and appointment. This my dear is STILL QUACKING. He is still trying to keep his nice cushy nest, and if he can keep this up for a few weeks you just might change your mind.
Forgetaboutit. Go on with your plans. Get the divorce. If this is the impetus for him to finally seek recovery, than maybe somewhere down the road (3 to 5years, lol) y'all may get back together or you may not.
I suspect part of your resentment is being caused by that niggling thought in the back of your head that goes something like:
"well if he can get recovery now, why couldn't he do it all those years ago before all this mess?"
I am just not sure this isn't another 'ploy' on his part to get you to stop the proceedings.
How about instead of wasting all that energy on the 'whys' and the 'what ifs' etc you take that eneregy and do something good for you and the kids and on the fact that the ONLY PERSON we can change is ourselves.
When our children are born they are little sponges. It is up to us as parents to teach them, to help 'mold' them into what we hope will be a 'responsible member of society.' But, the time comes (usually in their teens) when we have to come to terms with the facts that they do have 'free will' and there are choices they are going to have to make for themselves and consequences they will have to pay if they make a wrong choice. We cannot change that. We gave them the tools.
Your H was given those tools also and took some wrong turns and became addicted. Nothing your could have done or can do now will change the fact he ids an addict. What he does with that addiction is UP TO HIM.
So, how about putting the spotlight back on you. Let the resentment go, it's not helping you at all and enjoy those children and the rest of your life.
J M H O
Love and hugs,