Wow, I know exactly how you feel. I don't have any real advice but want to say thanks for expressing this. It is hard to realize that others have the same emotions.
Sometimes my RAH acts like there was never anything wrong and that the place always smelled like roses. It is hard to deal with that when I feel so much hurt. I know I caused some of this myself, by not standing up earlier. I sometimes wish I could transfer that hurt to him, since he was to drunk to feel much of anything most of the time.
I hope your post will bring words we both can use.