Greetings,
Reading other' posts on this site generates the most relief I have in years. It's a good feeling.
I started day four this morning, although I drank in my dreams last night. So, I woke in a bit of a panic -- this happens to me alot in the morning (panic that is, not drinking, not recently anyway), anyone else?
Back to the dream . . . I don't recall all the details, but I was drinking by myself and getting that warm relaxed romantic feeling. Nothing in the dream got out of control, and I did not appear to have any regret. I find that interesting because I have not drank without consequences and regret for years, yet my subconscious appears to remember. That's where the panic starts . . . will I forget the pain and regret, and if so when? This is the battle I have everytime I have tried quitting before. Anxiety begins, then obsession and finally a period just before the collapse where I justify drinking because I'm miserable anyway. So, why not be miserable and drunk? That sounds like more fun, right?
I tossed those thoughts around as I was preparing the dogs for their morining walk, and then I remembered a post I read here. Someone, and I don't even recall who it was, wrote something about letting the whole story play out, and at the end of everyone of those stories I felt misery, self-loathing and shame. I never, at the end of those stories, felt the relaxed romantic relief my subconscious argued to me in my dream last night.
So, for now, I am playing the story to then end. A sober end. Best part, I learned that here. So, thanks everyone!