Hey, I don't do the steps either, and I think others have already given you some really good advice. I would add to it, that we have all done really stupid things. You need to find a place for it, and let it go. You didn't mean to do it, you would never do it sober. Stop beating yourself up.
I can think of one thing in particular I did while drunk.....horrible to another very dear person...very dear (a close family member). I've finally just told myself I can redeem myself by staying sober. By showing the other party that I truly screwed up, and I'm not going to again. It really has kept me honest, in an odd way.
"I like my husband enough, but I am pretty repulsed at his lack of. . .common sense maybe, or brotherhood, or bleh, what ever is missing where people just dont give a f*ck when bad stuff is going down. " Eyes....this part bothers me....don't get back together with someone, simply for convenience. You deserve a man that loves you.....for you. I've read your posts, you are a caring, compassionate person. Give yourself a chance!
And....I don't think you ever have to say something is cool with you, when it isn't.
I hope you feel better about this, soon.