Hello oncewaslost,
Welcome to SR! I am sure many wise people will be coming soon to welcome you.
I am glad you found us.
Have you tried ACOA? Adult Children of Alcoholics? I believe they may be able to help you. I am not sure if you have gone there, from your post. Here is their online forum:
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Have you considered seeing an individual therapist?
I am sad you have gone through so much pain, but I am glad you have recovered from your own addictions. Congratulations on your 7 years!!
It is true that the actors can be the same, and the scenarios can be the same that hurt us a lot before, but with internal work and small steps they can stop hurting little by little - and we can be closer to our own goal - serenity. ALL our loved ones are in HP's hands. It seems you are further ahead in acceptance, so to me you have already done the most difficult step... this one I need to learn from you!
Please keep posting, we care very much!
(((Hugs from sunny Mexico)))