Welcome to SR Acer!
I am happy you found us...You are in the right place and as others have said you don't have to be an AA member...It works for me and many others but SR is a must in my life...
You are not alone with your struggles with alcohol...Alcoholism is a progressive disease, it never gets better...The guilt you feel and trying to peace the drinking episode together is common...You can tack on depression because alcohol is a depressent...Mixing addictive medication, and alcohol is dangerous...You could lose your very life...
Sobriety is possible and the only way to live a meaningful life...Keep reaching out for support and keep posting...