Acehood: I divide my concept of family into two parts. There was my two alcoholic parents and all the emotional numbers they pulled on me, including physical violence, the recipients being myself and my three brothers. Then there is all the crap my three active alcoholic brothers keep pulling on me, like: "I need money, send it right away". Despite the fact that I am 10 years younger than my alcoholic brothers, they keep trying to use me and keep playing me for money.
And there is "MY" family. This is the family I started with the determination that I would not do to them what was done to me substance-abuse wise.
This is my husband and my two sons. I brought that toxic mix into "MY" family when I turned into exactly what I didn't want to be: an alcoholic. Maybe I wasn't abusive, or violent like my parents, but in my case it turned into: "mom's not home today"....I wasn't there. I didn't abuse my family, I just fled. I ran away and wasn't there for them.
I just went through a weekend of hell because my husband was actively trying to sabotage my sobriety: waving bottles of wine and flutes of champagne in my face and telling me how good the wine tasted with the meal. We have a locked liquor cabinet, (I locked it up) and he unlocked it last night and just walked away, sort of like saying: come on: try it, maybe it won't be so bad this time.
thank goodness I have a little angel of a therapist in my sobriety because when I told her last week that I thought my husband was trying to sabotage my sobriety, she pointed out that maybe it wasn't deliberate and maybe he was doing it sub-consciously.
It doesn't sound like your clan is doing this very sub-consciously or in a subtle manner either.
This is what my therapist told me: get away, if you have to. I heard about a 12-step Sunday service that someone told me about in AA: and I think I am going to go this coming Sunday. (I didn't know about it until last week)...I am usually just about hanging on by my fingernails by Sunday afternoon what with all my husband's sabotaging, so I know I need that meeting.
Get going, and get away from the sabotaging. We have to do it honey to take care of ourselves.