SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - girlfriend appears to be a closet drinker?

04-13-2009, 08:18 AM

# 76 (permalink)

CrackQuack

Member

Join Date: Mar 2009

Location: Dayton, OH.

Posts: 879

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonchick

My point with this is you asked how a person realizes they have a problem. It depends on the person. She may know she has a problem but not know how to solve it or not want to yet. All those times that my parents would cover for my sister and watch her kids whlie she slept off the pills didn't help. All the times when someone else would pick up my son from his girlfriend's because I was drinking didn't help. It ENABLED me and her to feed our addiction.

You gotta stop enabling her.

Ditto on that. Sometimes I wish that my best friend had called the cops on me, back in August, when I attacked him when I was on one of my crack binges. I might have gotten clean sooner. Or I may have not, but the point is, people, who don't use or may not understand the addict mind, tend to enable those of us who are in active addiction. My best friend watched my kids while I went to my ex's to get high on crack all weekend. He put up with me when I was high at his house. Most of the time I just came over to 'come down'. But sometimes I was violent or severely depressed during my active addiction. I used to think it was a good thing, but looking back on it, he was helping me justify my using. I always had a safe place to go when I got loaded, so I told myself it was perfectly fine to still get loaded.
How many times I went to the bathroom in his house, acting like I had to go, but really was sneaking in a few hits.
He's on my list to make amends to, but I am not quite to that step yet.
Deadboy, I have to repeat that you cannot control her. Cannot do a "let's see" approach. You're setting yourself up for HUGE let downs! She cannot stop for you. She can say she will, but it's obvious she will not and pressuring her to do it could drive her to drink even more.
When my best friend told me I needed to stop, I got loaded more. I did the "I'll show him" thing. And it sure didn't turn out well for me. He ended up taking me to the hospital for my 2nd OD.
After that, when I came down, I realized I was harming myself, but I could have died. I might not have had the chance to feel the guilt and remorse and the chance to change my ways.
Your GF has to realize her problem on her own. I really hope she has the same opportunities that the rest of us on SR have had and continue to have.