Thank you both,
My dad has never been able to just love us, my stepmom was very jealous and he was not able to say hey these are my kids.
When I hugged and said goodbye yesterday I said please dont doubt me, I could hear in his voice he was about to cry when he answered back. Thats the awful thing I dont want him to feel guilt, I just want a little of his life, so we will see.
The death of my brother has left me very empty, the young one and I just will never have the closeness, maybe someday if he gets clean we can begin a relationship.
I think the most important thing right now is me, I need to mourn and grieve (whatever it is called) my older brother, my big brother, I miss him so much. Whatever comes after that I will just have to take it one day at a time.
Thank you, sometimes I feel so alone, I have my wonderful mom, hubby, son, but sometimes it needs to be someone else.
hugs,
sisofD