I agree with Freedom (I'm also in recovery). At 14 months, yes there will still be triggers, but what she is doing is pure manipulation when she says fighting with you triggers her. she knows how to stay clean and she is solely responsible for her recovery and whether or not she uses - not you. As far as the self-centeredness; According to the NA Basic Text, "Self-Centeredness is the core of our disease". So it does take time to get better. At 14 months, if going to meetings and working with a sponsor, she might have an idea the world doesn't revolve around her,but truthfully - I betcha she really doesn't see her own behavior at all. I bet she really doesn't even know she is self-centered. for me, that required working steps 4, 5, 6, (by then I got it!) and 7. so its' unlikely she's there yet, at 14 months. I had no idea how my own behavior effected other people. I was clueless. I only knew how to rationalize and justify and blame others. Sound familiar?
Question: Are you willing to wait until (or if) she works enough of a recovery program to look at her part in things? If not, then its either leave or accept her exactyly as she is now, just for today.