Originally Posted by
dolce7dolore 
He was going on about how my uncle is family, that he really does have a great heart, just doesn't "know how" to treat women and that I just have to take him with a grain of salt.
This really got to me. In my humble opinion, this Uncle is hurtful and mean. There is no "big heart" with someone who constantly belittles others. Sounds like dad is just making excuses for Uncle's behavior.
There is no way I would tolerate that from someone, no matter who.
My mother is an x alcoholic, sober 32 years now. Still goes to AA.
But, she has always been the belittling, scolding, critical person, and still is.
I had to tolerate it as a child, but as an adult, I do not have to.
When she starts in on me, I just tell her I am not going to listen. I could tell you my journey to get to the point where I finally realized it "wasn't me", but it would take a while. Just trust me, the more you learn through the steps, the more confidence you have, and the less you will tolerate ugly comments.