Hi Dolce.
Tough call. If it was me.. I'd weigh up the pro's of having fun with the people you love versus the cons of trying to get through the day with a smile on your face when you're so raw inside. Do you get many chances to see your grandparents etc or is this the only time you'll see them for ages? Faking it with your parents will be miserable but could seeing the others make up for that and make you feel better than you would otherwise?
Originally Posted by
DesertEyes 
As an adult in recovery I have learned that there are many, many other choices.
You can show up early and leave when your father arrives.
You can show up late and only stay a little while.
You can call in sick (just don't say you are sick _emotionally_ ) and show up the next day. Or the next weekend.
You can see each family member on a different weekend.
and on and on.
I've been doing this kind of thing for years - especially making my excuses to leave early. I hope next year will be different but I agree that they can help.
Originally Posted by
DesertEyes Someday you will have the strength to share a _little_ of your pain with them. Just a little. And later you will have more strength, and over time you will eventually share it all. Just for today, I think it shows great strength, love and compassion that you are willing to _not_ bring it up during a family gathering.
I decided not to do Easter this year. I had an excuse on my lips when my mum said she understood I've got a lot to work through right now. Even after I've shared a little of my pain, I still want to protect her by making excuses! I do feel guilty but I know this is what I have to do and I was relieved that she said that. I would like to see her but it would just have been the 3 of us and I really couldn't deal with that right now.
Holidays can be hard - there is so much pressure to have a 'perfect' time. Since my grandparents died af's behaviour at holidays as got a lot worse. I think having an older generation there put the brakes on the control freak side of his behaviour - you know, 'I can do anything I want because I'm the head of the house'
I'm so sick of it.
I have gone there when I haven't wanted to see af so that I can see aunts, uncles and my mum in the past. One of my aunts teases af (real teasing, not the nasty bullying your uncle does to you), actually teases a man I see as a bully and a control freak. I know that she doesn't know what goes on when she's not around, she's just having a joke at her big brother's expense. It's hard to describe this but it's oddly reassuring to see someone who doesn't tiptoe on eggshells around him and cares about him as the brother she knew in childhood, rather than the man I know now.
Weighing it all up I probably would go there if it meant I could see family I don't see often, even feeling the way I do right now. Quite apart from anything else, I always feel more comfortable accepting affection from my aunts and uncles and they're always happy to give it. That probably says quite alot!
Originally Posted by
DesertEyes Whatever you choose, it's just for today. By this time next year you will be _so_ much stronger and you will be able to see them for Easter and have a good time.
Couldn't agree more and whatever you decide to do, make sure you eat some chocolate!
