Everlong,
You have some great advice here. I felt the way you felt with my very alcoholic parents.
little emotion-less grave I've dug myself
And that is exactly how it feels - always returning to that same place and not making progress anywhere.
But, you know you want OUT of this. That is big. You know you want to change. It sounds small, and doesn't feel like much but it is real progress.
It took me years to realize that the way out was to stop digging, look up, realize there is a different 'me' and a brighter reality up there, understand that I had no idea what that reality feels like but that it is likely better, put down the old shovel that feels so very comfortable in my hands, and learn to ask someone how to climb.
One of the SR people has a great signature line that goes roughly like this: "why does a caterpillar turn into a butterfly? because it wants to fly so much it is willing to give up being a caterpillar."
Yeah, it is a bit of sentimental c**p, but there is some truth in it. One of the reasons we go back to that hole we dug is that we really know how to function there- lots of old comfortable habits. And it has the one tool we are comfortable using against all of our problems.
If there is an alanon/alateen group in your area you should really try to attend a meeting or two. And the suggestion of counseling is spot-on good. Just as you are doing here, you need to get your thoughts out of your head, either to a person, persons, or even a journal, so you can make even more progress.