I went to Alanon - there were no CoDa meetings near me - or Naranon.
My sponsor had me make two lists for step one - how I was powerless over alcohol (and the alcoholic) - and how MY life is unmanageable. I had lots on each list - and when I went over it with her, she shared some of her "crazies" and I added more to the lists.
I keep it tucked away in one of my books - and bring it out anytime I think I don't need God - or can't turn something over. It reminds me just where my best thinking (and plotting and planning) got me.
As has been suggested, step four really helped me see my part in things - and helped me look at who and what I really was. The Blueprint for Progress from Alanon is very good and very detailed. When I came into recovery, we only had the AA Big Book - that is another shorter way of doing a fourth step.
For me, the biggest relief/peacefulness/change in me - came from step nine. Where I went face to face with those I hurt (especially my family and the alcoholics in my life) and asked for forgiveness for my part (and didn't mention their behavior) and how could I make it right. It was cleaning up my mess - and I could breathe a huge sigh of relief. All of that stuff was now in the past.
The steps helped me get a path for me - a program for living - and kept me from obsessing about the alcoholics in my life - two ASs. I was as addicted to them as they were to drugs/alcohol.
Just keep plodding along - it has given many of us wonderful lives - whether or not the addicts ever get clean.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
P.S. My sponsor was the one that told me how to do the steps - and I was taught to write them. The first word in the first step is "we" - I was told that I didn't need to do these things alone anymore.