Welcome to our thread ((Kendra)). I stayed in a relationship for 20 years because of fear of abandonment, and I still don't really know why. It had nothing to do with my childhood and it was my "first love" so maybe that's it? Anyway, I know what you're going through. He was also a functioning alcoholic, so I learned how to be a really good codie.
This thread, as well as the friends and families threads (because my relationships were always with addicts/alcoholics) have been a lifesaver for me. I am finally realizing that I don't need anyone else to complete me...I'm perfectly fine, just as I am, and if someone leaves me, I'm STILL going to be okay. It's taken a while for me to get to this point, and a lot of baby steps, but it is worth it.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy