Dolce,
Wow, your post brought up some bad memories for me. Not complaining here, mind you, but...
For example, I carried a LOT of anger toward my father for a long time because he tolerated how his new wife (after my mom's death) treated his kids that remained at home. One by one they all moved out before they hit 17 yrs old because they couldnt' take the criticism and antagonism. She really did want to get rid of us so that she could have her "own" kids with my father.
He never stood up for me against her. For years he stood by and supported her while she established a college fund for "her" kids but told me I was out of luck; stopped giving Xmas and birthday gifts when I was 14 but bought herself furs and fancy furniture; criticized me for reading so much, for not being very social, for my weight, everything.
Before you think this is another one of my "....and then some time passed by and I eventually forgave him....."
I didn't, not really. I DID eventually realize that he was a flawed person, just like I'm a flawed person. His weakness was not having the courage to make waves, for fear she would leave him, which would be catastrophic because he was an alcoholic and codependent and needed his enabler. He was always in conflict about his kids, but always gave in to her so he wouldnt' be alone. He was terrified of being alone.
That doesn't mean it's okay with me. But I no longer spend any time on it.
It also helps to know that if anyone ever treated me like that again, I would and could make them wish they were never born - I don't tolerate that treatment in my life any more, and can be viciously articulate in my self-defense. My inner kid is safe now. She can breathe and relax.
Somehow, that makes things that happened in my childhood not quite as horrible as they were before, when I might still be a victim to them.
Don't expect too much from your dad. In a way, I'm glad you voiced your opinion to him. Sometimes it hurts more to keep it inside than just let it out.
I'm always so proud to hear about the work you're doing. You 're well on your way to being your inner kid's bodyguard too.