Thread: Might be unrelated?
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Old 04-07-2009, 05:17 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
dothi
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I think it's normal in families that are used to pitting kids against each other and establishing that social hierarchy, so to speak. Your uncle wants you to know your place in the family that he thinks you fit best because it's convenient for him.

Not starting an anti-men hate-rant here, but I have noticed in my own family not only a disrespect for women but more like a genuine hate... like the men are angry to see the women do well. I guess because if/when their wives and daughters get healthy, they instinctively know their abuse will no longer be tolerated. That little hierarchy they're worked so hard to manipulate and maintain might collapse. It's like they can't be happy with anything less than sitting at the top in total control of those around them. Since they seem forced to recognize and respect other men, they vent their various frustrations on the women. I have even seen one father-daughter dynamic where all the daughter has to do is walk in the room and he'll start yelling at her - just constant yelling and degrading. Why?

I see this in my own AF. His daughters have "abandoned" him by finding their own way in the world, and his wife now has a job and her own vehicle (and boy did he work to sabatoge her in the name of "support"). I can see that he's miserable because he's not in control, but is unwilling to change his definition of what happiness and success look like for him. He doesn't yell at us, but uses a lot of manipulation to try and convince us of how we "should" do things. He treats our independence like a personal betrayal.

I wonder how many times your uncle has picked on you because he's pissed off or felt his own power threatened? Seriously, how many times has it had absolutely nothing to do with you?


Family is not a license for abuse.
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