dolce7dolore

I don't really know why I'm posting this, I think I just need to get it out. Tonight my dad was emailing me about going out to my aunt and uncle's this summer. As I wrote a response to him, I was surprised at how emotional I became. Here's the back story on my Aunt and Uncle, might be a long one.

They're both Catholic and extremely conservative. My aunt has this judgmental way about her which probably comes from her very toxic parents. She has always commented about how disrespectful to my parents I am (which in some ways was true) and was always going on about how I whined. All she did was complain about my whining and mock me in front of everyone since I can remember. I have a brother and two male cousins and they would constantly gang up on me and make my life miserable when I was around them. And last but not least, my uncle. He takes great pride in being an a$$hole and in saying blunt truths. Since I became a teenager, all he has done is make comments about my weight. Let me first say this, I am 5'2" and weigh 120 lbs. He once said that I am "a fat girl waiting to happen," and on my visit after my first year of college, made a snide comment about how I was getting chunky. I fully believe that he was testing me, like he's always trying to see how hard he can push before I break. I have never granted him the slightest hint.

Anyway, fast forward to tonight. Now I have no doubts about just how much my Uncle's behavior has affected how I see myself, however, something new struck me tonight as I was emailing my dad. He was going on about how my uncle is family, that he really does have a great heart, just doesn't "know how" to treat women and that I just have to take him with a grain of salt. What struck me is the fact that my father, who has really never done anything to hurt me in the way my uncle did, never once stood up for me. Neither did my mother or my other relatives. They have witnessed everything that was said to me, sometimes even smirked along with the comments. I've been telling my parents for the last couple of years just how much it has affected me. They know this, and yet they do nothing. I always had to stand up for myself and never even hoped for anyone's help. I never saw that this could be wrong until tonight. It's no wonder that I never expect help from anyone, no wonder that I never trust that anyone will actually care or be there for me.

I think I already have my answer, but does this sound like a normal situation? Is it 'normal' for parents to sit by and watch as their child is humiliated? My brother was never taunted by any of them, I guess I was just lucky. I just feel so betrayed. I knew my Uncle never loved me and that's fine, whatever, but how could my parents just stand aside, especially my father? I don't want to see those people this summer and I can't bring myself to go out there and visit them. They have always treated my mother badly as well and it hurts to see that too. Am I so wrong to not want to put myself in that hole again, where I'm told I'm not good enough?

Sorry if this has turned into a whining rant, I'm just so confused and I don't trust my judgment. Sometimes I think I'm just overreacting.