Everlong

I'm sick of being angry all the damn time! I'm angry at him, I'm angry at her, I'm angry at myself. I feel like everything good that happens to me, I just **** it up. Or he'll [he being the drunk that I have as a father], mess it up. I haven't had a friend over in months, because he drinks. His doctors have already told him he drinks too much, and he's going to die because of it, but does that matter? Not to him. I guess his family doesn't matter, and that makes me even more angry, because I am his family, and he just doesn't give a damn. I'm sick of crying over this, I'm sick of being so damn miserable, that now when I get happy it doesn't feel right to me, and all I can think is, when's this bubble gonna pop? There are times where I feel like I do nothing right, and I find myself back in that little emotion-less grave I've dug myself when I was a kid. The one where I don't feel anything but emptiness and anger. I wish I could have someone to just be with me and say "It's going to be okay!" but it's not that simple, and I know that. I just wish it was. Sometimes I wonder, why some people are happy, and others get to be miserable. And why is it that blessings only come in disguise? Why can't life just be simple? I'm just so sick of complex and messy. I haven't been in a relationship in over two years...I haven't been in a healthy relationship ever. I'm probably codependant, and I'm so stressed out that I don't even care. I'm so sick of being angry and sick and tired. Oh and I'm also sick of people not listening to me! When I say leave me the hell alone, they come closer, and then I get angry at them. WTF?!? Why can't people respect me for once in their lives!??!!! I'm sick of trying to please everybody else on this damn planet, and then me last. **** that.