Thanks for this thread H&S.
I believe its like what others have said here....once you've admitted - even just a little bit - what drinking or using does to you, and realise that you have a problem...you can't go back.
The buzz is gone.
Doesn't necessarily stop us trying tho - that's one of the awful parts of all this.
Whatever you think drinking or using will do for you - it won't. I have 5 years solid daily experience on that.
There are other better ways to deal with things. Unfortunately they're also often harder.
Go figure. Nothing worth it is easy I reckon?
D