Hi Layla,
The recovery process will be up and down, so don't let yourself think you're failing if you're in a down spot right now. That is only human and natural as you work through the issues. Everyone will have ups and downs in recovery.
I think the "scared of having a break down" if you go to this hard place is your fear of not being in control of your feelings. I've read that ACoA fear anger, for example, because they worry how out of control they would get. It's hard to process a feeling if you haven't learned how to deal with it properly.
The hard place isn't forever, and it may not be as hard as you think it will or it may be. But it isn't forever, and then you can go through the emotions that you need and come out on the other side. I think it can make things better in the end.
I too lived in denial, didn't want to deal with it, didn't want to acknowledge how an alcoholic parent affected me, but it set me up for unhealthy decisions. I wanted to make healthy decisions for my future, no more repeating mistakes (which by the way we will all repeat mistakes be we recover much more quickly or get out), and it required doing the work we all have to do. Yes things are much more healthy for me.
Good luck to you!