Hey Katie09----
I was so glad to see/read that it looks like you've found a program that'll work for you, or at least a program that you can work for you.... (o:
In reading this whole thread this 'AM' -- I don't know where I've been for the last couple of days to miss this.....but, there are a couple of things you wrote that I feel I need to address (not negative for you Katie...just brought up some memories of when I was new to recovery.....
In your first post, you wrote, "...but for some reason things are getting worse, not better...," ---- I know the following has been floating around 'certain' recovery rooms for a long time.....BUT, I've found that it can cause more harm than good. Here it is tho.....(with my own ending....much better, I believe).....:
When I drink/use, I get drunk/high, and when I get drunk/high, my life goes down the crapper.....But if I DON'T drink/use, I WON'T get drunk/high; then my life gets 'BETTER.'
Boy Howdy, it's that last word ^%$^% me off, and it can be dangerous.....ie: along comes Katie09 wanting recovery, and she hears this little jingle....well, alrighty then, she thinks to herself, let's goforit.....! BUT, unfortunately, her life doesn't get better; it appears to be getting worse; all of which makes li'll ms katie09 feel like she's sold a load of (*!^)(&#%@$....and then, come all the li'll munchkins (some munchkins are not very nice, and they tell katie all the silly things that they had been told.....she wasn't working it right, she had the wrong HP.....blah d'blah, d'blah, d'blah.....well, katie, they were WRONG......just as my 'program' might get you drunk/high, yours might do the same for me....so, I rewrote that little piece to where it makes more sense to me; hope it does to you also katie; affirmations can be good, if they are the truth., and not something trying to become the truth.....well, here goes......:
When I drink/use, I get drunk/high, and when I get drunk/high, my life goes down the crapper.....But if I DON'T drink/use, I WON'T get drunk/high; then my life gets......(drum roll plz....) DIFFERENT!!!!!!! tada....!
Oh my goodness....I certainly can go on cain’t I.....typical ole lady (well, can’t remember anyone ever callin’ me a lad, but old.....? You betcha.....LOL
Just one more slight li’ll thing that I saw/read........oh crap; I can’t seem to find it; I thought sure I put it right here.....oh well. I believe you’ve mentioned in a couple of your posts that you do not with to offend.....well, in early recovery, if a person isn’t offended every time he/she turns around, well hmmmmm I dunnohhhhhh
When I was in early recovery I became offended by the least little thing, and I’m sure some folks took offense at some of the thing I had said, but I figured.....: they could just ’getoverit’ and so could I, and in time we’d become offense less.....LOLOL
Well (will miracles never cease), I guess that’s all I’ve got to say....oh yeh, just one more thing (in my best Columbo).....you just go, Katie, and go for you, not worrying about anybody else but you and your recovery (a little selfishness in early recovery can be a good thing----just not very pretty in someone who purports to be clean/sober; happy, joyous, and free/clean and serene. Ah well, not my thing to work someone program; I got enough on my plate as it is.....
You go grrl; just keep positive; believe me when I say that there are steps(sic); some kind of program you can work out that will allow you to be you and that will you to work it for you......and I promise you, Katie (and I don’t lie---least not on the important stuff), you CAN get sober/clean/whatever one wants to call it......you can do it, grrl, and don’t you allow anybody to tell you different...........even me............LOLOL
NoelleR