For me, it was a variety of factors that SOMEHOW came together at once. Health concerns were scaring me. I had two heart attacks nine years ago, & it would freak me out BIGTIME to hear my heart pounding away in the middle of the night. My liver became so glogged up it couldn't filter out all of the poison I was putting into my system, & my body went amok.
And, talk about diminishing returns! 1 drunk=5-6 days of TOTAL HELL. constantly feeling ill, of course. Then there was the HORRIBLE outlook on people, myself, & life in general. The reality of wasting my life. The reality that my family, in general, did not give a rat's arse if I lived or died, & a lot of THAT was my own damm fault. I was self-absorbed, stupidly arrogant, & hated everything the world & everything in it. Can you say NEGATIVE??!!!
I finally realized if I continued drinking I had ZERO possibility of somehow getting a second chance in life. Of ever having hope. Of obtaining self-respect. Or having ANY sembelence of human contact in my life. I was SO disconnected from people. Mentally & Emotionally I felt like those marooned shipwreck survivors you see in the comic strips that are on a ten-square foot island with ONE little palm tree. Totally isolated.
I couldn't stand this self-inflicked nightmare that passed for my life anymore. I decided to try things the Lord's way. I began praying at 4- something in the morning before beginning my workday. I prayed for forgiveness, self-acceptance of my many faults & limitations, guidance,etc. Basically, PLEASE LORD GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.
He did, & so far so good........
