Father is an ahcoholic - When do I stop helping?!
need to know when I need to give up on my father. I am 27 years old and my father is a grown man (57). My mother is not in the picture and my father has raised me by his self since I was 10. Ever since I can remember my father has been an alcoholic. When I was young he would work and provide clothes and food on the table but drank every day about a pint or more. Go to work drunk. He had no control over me because he was not the father he should have been, I did what I wanted. I was taken away from him at a point due to his drinking and I was uncontrollable. He went into rehab when I was about 17 (his work made him) and he was good for a year or two and then started to drink all of the time. For as long as I can remember we never got along cause of his drinking but I love him dearly, he is my only parent. We learned to get along even though he drank. Over the past few years his drinking and drug use has became ridiculous. In 2008 he was drinking so bad I took time off of work and tried to help him, he went into rehab 3-4 times last year. He will do good for a few weeks or a month or so and go right back to drinking. He uses excuses, im an alcoholic, my back hurts, im depressed, or the doctor diagnosed me bi-polar. You know the typical excuses. I'm so mad cause I helped him with rehab, visit him, helped him with his work, bills, car payments, Short term disability, etc. I was acting like a wife, I'm his child and have my own life. But I cant stop helping cause I love him. Well, at the end of 2008 he was drinking so bad and spending his money like crazy. He got a DUI/OWI, got fired from his job, lost his apartment and had no where to go. He lived in WI and I live in IL (a few years a go I moved here to start my own life). Me and my boyfriend drove to WI and helped him move all of his stuff to storage, I spoke to my mom, someone who I hardly speak to and asked if my dad could live with her for awhile till he got on his feet. She said yes but no drinking. Well, he messed that up and was drinking and lying about it. She kicked him out. Then he moved to my aunts house (his sister). Not a good move, she is an alcoholic and druggie herself and her husband. They don't work either. But he had no where to go. After he was there for awhile his drinking continued and I guess he spent like 400.00 on crack and pills. I knew he had to get out. Me and my boyfriend recently moved out together to start a life together. My boyfriend came up with idea to have my dad live with us so he can start fresh and new because we care. So, again I go to WI and help him move to IL with me. The agreement was NO DRINKING and FIND A JOB stop collecting unemployment. He has been here for 3 weeks now, no motivation and has been drinking this week. Me and my boyfriend are not comfortable going home to a place WE PAY FOR cause he drinks,he talks non sense, im a biker, and outlaw, I killed people, and how he wants to do drug deals. Well, me and my boyfriend had a bottle of vodka and gin in OUR BEDROOM HIDDEN away. Well yesterday we came home and he was drunk AGAIN - disrespecting our wishes. I was in my bedroom going through my drawers and guess what, HE WENT THROUGH OUR PERSONAL STUFF AND DRANK THE LIQUOR! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! My boyfriend is very livid. He doesn't want him there. To make things worse its tearing me and my boyfriend apart, we argue now. I want to let go of helping my dad and realize this is who he is. I'm 27 and need to worry of my own life at some point. But I feel bad if I stop helping. I have done everything I could. He is behind in his car and has a court date set cause Chrysler wants the car back. I will go over his finances with him and how much he gets for unemployment and show him what he needs to pay to get caught up, I even have him on a budget where I give him limited money. How much lower can you go in life, lose your job, house, live with your ex-wife, sister and now your daughter?!
Any suggestions? When do I stop helping? I want my own life back and live stress free.I want ot be married and have children, with this route of me always taken care of him and stressing, it will NEVER happen. I think he wants this lifestyle and will always be an alcoholic. Some people truly stay as alcoholic.