Originally Posted by
Crazy4Him 
I have talked to him on the phone everyday since I dumped him
he got the best of me. Again.
He started an argument with me yesterday morning. And I argued back. Again. The usual, telling me that I never try, that I'm never going to change, that I'm insane, that if only I accepted him for who he was quack quackity quack. He told me to "get out of his life" and I hung up the phone on him.
And now he has absolutely no interest in me. Hasn't called me since. He was ALL OVER me trying to be friends and make it work out when I was in a happy, healthy state of mind, but the minute he dragged me down and got me crying he was GONE.
I hate him so, so much.
It's as if knowing that I'm in pain helps him get through his day. Like it makes his day easier. Then I found out that he went out and got drunk and smoked weed ALONE in my female co-workers room. I just called him right now in TEARS.
"i don't want you to be in pain". More lies.
More than anything I need him to give a DAMN that I'm hurting so much.
All I want to do is call him and try to talk sense into him which I know is about as good as arguging with my own reflection. I can't even begin to remember what I did to make everything okay for the last five days.
Hi, I am sorry you are going through this, I really am, I know how much it hurts, and how confusing it is
You
"dumped" him,
WHY are you in remaining in contact?
THAT is insanity, unless of course "dumping" him was just an attempt at behavior modification, a tactic which I have never had be successful by the way
Now that you have "Dumped" him, what he does, and where he goes is no longer any of your business, that's what "breaking up" means.
I know that sounds harsh, but if you truly are "done" with him,
CLOSE THE DOOR,
no more contact, if, however, you aren't done with him, you may want to try a new behavior modification tactic, this one doesn't seem very effective.
The reason I bring up this all being nothing but "behavior modification" is because you aren't done, you have "dumped him" then remained in contact.
That's actually not "dumping"
To "dump" somebody you actually have to stop engaging with them, or it's just "more of the same"
He has given you all "the information" you need, I believe his quotes were
"you won't accept me for who I am", and
"get out of my life"
That's not ambiguous.
I am truly sorry if I sound harsh, I'm not, I'm saying if you actually are done with this man, please, just walk away,
stop engaging, Shakespeare said it best "On that Path Lies Madness"
Please keep coming back, we do care, I
have gone through what you are going through, the only way I got through it was by "closing the door", walking away, and never looking back,
NO MATTER WHAT the provocation, whether it was "hearts and flowers" or the nastiest, most spiteful, hurtful behavior I could ever imagine, and I could imagine a lot, I still managed to be surprised by some of the "hell hath no fury" behavior I encountered.
(leave the door closed, keep walking keep walking, don't respond don't respond, call for support, don't look back, don't look back) <----That was my thought process through all of that.
My friend "L" explained it like, Look Andrew, if I go to the Ghetto at 3AM wearing a Rolex driving a Jaguar holding a 3" wad of 100 dollar bills, they
WILL mug me, I can either blame them be mad and hurt, and suffer greatly, or just not go to the ghetto at 3am, but the truth of the matter is in the Ghetto they mug people, THAT"S WHAT THEY DO, I can keep going to the Ghetto and getting mugged, then be angry about it,
OR I can just stop going to the ghetto.
I stopped going to the Ghetto....it just hurt too much.
I am sorry you are going through this, my heart goes out to you, I promise.
:ghug
Unfortunately, A's do like to see us in pain. They are in their own hell and they want to know others are as miserable as they are. When you are miserable, you are actually doing exactly what he wants you to do. I know it sounds crazy, but your misery gives him satisfaction. It's just the way the A brain works.
This is a nice "story" to tell yourself, but not true, true people breaking up with each other do try to hurt each other, but Alcoholics by no means have a corner on the market on this behavior, I have seen it just as much from "codies" and "normies" as I have from alcoholics, you can go ahead and tell yourself this if it helps, but alcoholism in and of itself doesn't make one vindictive, nasty break-ups that involve hurt people make people vindictive, and it's usually a two way street.
Like Freedom1990 says frequently, alcohol gets too much credit. A-holes are A-holes regardless of whether or not they drink, and hurt people often lash out and hurt others, That's just how that is.