I haven't seen him in the past five days but I have talked to him on the phone everyday since I dumped him always ending the conversations when he would start an argument. The last five days I've reconnected with my father and spent a lot of time with my friends and family and been truly HAPPY. I was sure that I was strong enough to try and be friends with my exabf as well.
But he got the best of me. Again.
He started an argument with me yesterday morning. And I argued back. Again. The usual, telling me that I never try, that I'm never going to change, that I'm insane, that if only I accepted him for who he was quack quackity quack. He told me to "get out of his life" and I hung up the phone on him. In tears, of course.
And now he has absolutely no interest in me. Hasn't called me since. He was ALL OVER me trying to be friends and make it work out when I was in a happy, healthy state of mind, but the minute he dragged me down and got me crying he was GONE.
I hate him so, so much.
It's as if knowing that I'm in pain helps him get through his day. Like it makes his day easier. Then I found out that he went out and got drunk and smoked weed ALONE in my female co-workers room. I just called him right now in TEARS. All he said was, "Nothing will ever happen with that girl." Lies, I know my gut and I also know him. "i don't want you to be in pain". More lies.
I think I have to quit my job. I hate him so much. I need to talk to someone but it's 6am. More than anything I need him to give a DAMN that I'm hurting so much.
I'm so angry at myself because I feel like all the work I did to get healthy is completely shot to ****. All I want to do is call him and try to talk sense into him which I know is about as good as arguging with my own reflection. I can't even begin to remember what I did to make everything okay for the last five days. Guess I have to start from scratch.
I just don't want to see him at work for the next four days. I have to quit my job. Oh god.
