micwush

I've been trying to stop drinking on my own the last few months and I succeed...for a little while. I made it exactly a month until last week. Then I drank again last night. I'm a binge drinker and it's gotten worse and worse. It's affecting my family. My husband is sick of the relapses and really gave me an earful last night. I deserved it. I wish for him to be supportive but I understand (I think) how hard it is for him. He threatened to leave me last night. He hasn't so far but I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I want this so bad and just can't understand why I can't do it. I am SO much happier when I am not drinking! What the heck is wrong with me - I'm an alcoholic I guess is what is wrong. I've been in denial for so long, it's hard for me to say that.

I need to find some help and that is why I found this site and signed up. I am going to start going to 12 step meetings when my health allows. I have chronic pain from rheumatoid and osteo arthritis. I am going to make an appt with my doctor and talk about going on Anabuse. I've never tried that. I am going to start pursuing some other treatments for my arthritis to try to alleviate some of the pain so I am not as tempted to self medicate. I am going to try antidepressants again if my doctor feels it's appropriate, and I'm sure he will. I am going to try to talk more about what is going on inside my head instead of bottling it up.

I hope it's not too late for me. I hope I can pull myself together and salvage my life. People do it, I know I can too if I just find the right help for me.
I'm depressed, frustrated and scared. I have been sober a whole 24 hrs this time and I need to build from there. Thanks for listening!