Thanks everyone again for the encouragement. Im feeling a little more relaxed and rested today. I took my son to school this morning and came back home and went to bed. I really neeeded the rest! My husband came and woke me up on his lunch break, yes he works and has had same job over a year but all his money goes to himself, he's never helped pay one bill or groceries etc... He came at me with the same thing i've heard over and over...he's going to stop drinking and be the husband i need, i'm more important than drinking and he wants to raise our baby together. He wanted to know how long it would take for me to see and to let him come back home. I told him i couldn't answer that. I know there's still a small part inside that hopes he means it this time but I know i don't feel anywhere near as hopeful as i have all the other times. Im just trying to put my mind into my son and getting myself stronger and not letting his decisions have so much power over my emotions. About the alanon, I've read alot on the internet about it and it sounds great. There are no meetings in my town but I will definately be checking some out soon in a nearby town. Im hoping I get my medical card this week so i can get to the doctor, im worried if the baby is ok. Im making myself eat whether i want to or not. I've lost over 20 lbs in last 6 months, my family thinks im doing drugs, they don't understand and i don't want to involve them in my marriage. hope everyone has a happy and blessed day! With God all things are possible!