Callie, I agree with all of the others. It's HIS recovery, HE should be taking it on, meetings, IOP, job, whatever. YOUR job is to take care of Callie.
As far as expectations, first and foremost, there should be hope, but not expectations, expectations equal resentment. I know this first hand, you see my daughter, who has 4+ months clean, left her H and is living with me. I had hoped to see different behaviors, (hmmmm like behaving as a 30yo woman should) however I still see behaviors that are very selfish. She IS however attending meetings, most every day. If I see that she is no longer working her recovery, I will have no alternative but to put her out. You need to set your boundaries, and stick by them. Stop being his buffer.
Hugs,
Chris