kiwihoney-
take it one day at a time. you did the right thing, not letting him back in. he's a drinker and he cheated on you, as did mine. i thought i could get over it, but the reality of being with someone you don't trust is that it plays with your mind. i found all of my energy going outwards...there was no peace in it. it has made me sick. sick in spirit.
take a deep breath. you did the right thing. try to be kind to yourself...a hot soak in the bath with some candles, some nice music...
peace and clear thought to you,
naive