looking for a pattern
I now realize that i do have my limits of what i will not tolerate and alcohol is not on the list. I know that i would avoid a heroin addict, a coke/crack addict, a pot smoker (nowadays), a wife beater, a liar, a thief, a womanizer. I would avoid anyone who looks like a major alcoholic-you know the bags under their eyes, their smell. But to my surprise I have a blind eye to those who drink. I guess i rationalize it. or maybe i want to be tricked into believing they do not have a problem with alcohol. maybe this is the part of the denial in my childhood that my father was not an alcoholic, as my mother clearly defined an alcoholic being her father....therefore my dad could not have been an alcoholic, because why would my mom be with one if it was as bad as her alcoholic father. is that twisted or what?!
Another thing that gets me is how plenty of my relationships i gave up on because of their addiction, and funny how they seemed to stop drinking after i left them. Not all, but plenty. Maybe it was just the timing that it finally got intolerable for them to continue as they were, but then it also makes me feel kindof bad that they had to be drunk to be with me!! My xah has not quit although he claims to have stopped using drugs ( i don't believe it)...however the rest of his drunk family- 3 out of 4 (including his mother) have stopped drinking/drugging...most of them were about to die from it....
I seem to attract crazy people or addicts. I start a new job, new people come into my life-they are either crazy or alcoholic/codie. Not that i am "looking" for it....it just turns out to be "their story". wtf