I chose to split with my bf of 8yrs in January.
For my sanity i had to, no matter how much he did to 'stop drinking' it NEVER worked and i truely dont think he ever wanted to.
At the time id decided this i had been living at my mums for a year, id had to get away from him as things were getting violent at times and i was losing my will to live.
At the end of February i finally found myself a lovely apartment and was really excited about starting a new life for myself.
It didnt take much for me to get over my ex, it was such a relief to know i was no longer stuck in this horrible, unloving relationship anymore.
But now im questioning whether my life is really going to get better.
Ive never felt so alone.
I go to work, come home, watch tv, read a book and go to bed every single day and nothing else.
Because of my relationship i lost friends, i became isolated from everything and to this day its getting worse.
I speak to a couple of friends from school very little these days. We totally lost contact for a while when i met my ex. They went and had kids and i got my career sorted. Our lives are just so different we dont have that much in common anymore.
Then 4 yrs into the relationship a friend who i was close to after we left school decided to start seeing my then bf behind my back and that friendship was ruined forever.
Then 3yrs ago i met a really great girl who i became amazing friends with, so similar and enjoyed doing the same things.
Now for some reason over the last couple of months shes been so quiet with me, i text her and i hear nothing back for 2wks and then shes giving me crap excuses for not getting in touch sooner.
Apparently her auntie is really sick, but she now tells me shes home cos the doctors dont know if theres anything actually wrong with her! What the hell??? Is this a reason to ignore a good friend? does this stop her texting me???? Im really starting to doubt what shes saying to me.
Its my 30th birthday tomorrow.
I have been trying to plan a night out with this friend for a month now. Whenever i have text her i asked if she wanted to start sorting a night out for it and when she replies she ignores what ive asked her.
This morning i get a text to say shes off to see her auntie and doesnt know what time she'll be back. No 'sorry i cant go on a night out' or 'i dont really feel like it' just excuses. She hasnt ever acknowledged my birthday AT ALL.
Im so sad tonight, sitting in my apartment, alone. Knowing that i want to be out enjoying my life but i have not a single damn person around to enjoy it with. Not a single friend in the world.
How sad is that? 30 and my life might aswell be over.
To make things worse my ex is annoying me yet again.
Being the typical attention seeking idiot he is, self harming, drinking and telling me hes 'lost' my cat.
Im choosing to ignore him as i always do, hes a waste of space and although im lonely im certainly not lonely enough to want anything to do with him again.
I just dont know how to stop this loneliness.
