I hear you. I used to stare at the steps on the wall at some meetings where the word understood was underlined and cringe. I truly believed that the understanding was critical - it's even underlined. Throughout my schooling, if something was underlined it was best to pay close attention to it.
As I went through the first three steps ~ I came to some sort of understanding, even if it's that I CANNOT understand god...and moved forward. It's illogical in a way, because the word "understand" has a definite meaning. I understand 1+1=2, and I understand how databases work....this is a different kind. Then again - almost everything in AA goes against my logical thought process at some point.
Thanks for sharing..there's a lot of freedom in not being required to define things anymore.