thanks guys. Yeah, what I am going to try different is to really do the steps. Before, I was told to wait a month and then start the steps. I am getting ready for a meeting now. My plan is to attend one per day (ideally) and never go more than one day without a meeting. I think my mindset is different this time. I didn't have some terrible incident that caused me to want to stop (which has always been the case before). In the past, it was my guilt that pushed me to stop. Once time healed some of the guilt I went back to my old ways.
This time I look at it more as a life or death proposal. I have no doubt that I could die if I keep drinking, smoking, and taking speed. I am looking at this term of sobriety as a cure for a terminal disease. I really believe that.
I have never fully surendered before. I have now....