EnoughisEnough7

Using a breathalyzer or anything similar, can empower us with the ability to face reality and to take the appropriate actions based on the truth without second guessing our decisions. Having a sane, rational sober person use a breathalyzer does not make sense - however, an active alcoholic does not behave in sane, rational or sober ways - and thrives on deception. Being able to tell the difference between a "sober" alcoholic and an active alcoholic is sometimes almost impossible - especially in the days of early sobriety.

SITUATION:
1- Someone truly sick, stressed, tired, disoriented or confused AND sober - appropriate reaction - support and compassion.
2- Someone disoriented and confused due to ongoing abusive drinking by an alcoholic - appropriate reaction - Moving on with your life without the alcoholic in it. Sobriety for at least a year before any consideration of a renewed relationship.
PROBLEM: Easy decisions if you know the truth but we often don't know if we are dealing with situation 1 or 2.

It is the uncertainty of sobriety or deception that keeps us trapped for so long. Anyone that has been involved in a close, long term, complex relationship with an alcoholic that has slowly transformed from a fulfilling relationship to alcoholic chaos, with marriage, kids, house ...etc. understands we cannot easily walk away from this individual we care about, especially if there are children involved that will always have a connection whether the alcoholic is sober or drinking. When the alcoholic is sincerely telling us that they are no longer drinking and is seeking sobriety, it is only normal to want to give them the benefit of the doubt if they have taken actual steps to get sober. Having our alcoholic find lasting sobriety and keeping families intact is the goal most of us strive for - and for some it becomes a wonderful reality. However, as we quickly learn, sometimes the alcoholic is telling the truth about sobriety - and sometimes they are lying and manipulating us, and many times it is almost impossible to know for sure what the truth is, leaving us feeling conflicted and confused over and over again. There in lies the problem - uncertainty that keeps us trapped for years.

There is no crystal ball that will let us know what the future with an alcoholic holds for us - years of endless broken promises or a future with someone healthy & sober. We also learn we can't always make correct assumptions as to whether our alcoholics are drinking or sober just by a quick assessment. During early sobriety, an alcoholic many times will exhibit strange behaviors for weeks and months as their body and mind slowly adjusts to sobriety - sometimes called a dry drunk. Also, alcoholics are still human, and that means there will be times they seem disoriented and unfocused because they are actually extremely tired or sick. I have known alcoholics that also suffered from low blood sugar causing their moods to change dramatically, becoming light headed, disoriented and shaky. They appeared to be impaired but were actually sober, experiencing symptoms of severe low blood sugar. Active alcoholics quickly learn how to manipulate this uncertainty and, short of a blood test or a breathalyzer, those close to the alcoholic are left unsure of what is truthfully going on. This is the state most of us live in for too long until it becomes undeniably clear (usually after many years) the alcoholic has been deceiving us and has been given every chance - yet continues to drink and we decide to move on. Sadly it can take too many years to get to this point. Not wasting energy on those "in between years" of uncertainty would be a blessing - and nothing short of a breathalyzer or a blood test will give us the confidence to make permanent changes much sooner in our lives, serious changes that can sometimes involve the unfortunate dismantling of families, changes made before all those years of uncertainty have been lost.

If we had the ability to distinguish the truth between addicted deception or a truthful effort to get sober, we could make wiser decisions much sooner with more confidence and less hesitation - and spend fewer years living unhappily in the land of uncertainty.