confused thoughts and feelings
I woke this morning feeling not too bad... i was actually happy for awhile.. i made it to a month sober today (first in 20yrs)... the first thought that came into my head was i can celebrate and go for a drink....
It didn't last long... i told myself not to be so bl**dy stupid.
But as the day has gone on the urge has got stronger... I went to see a friend from a meeting i go to... all was going well while i was there... the thought popped into my head afew times but i managed to bury it...
When i left i almost ran home and locked myself in... I cant trust myself not to drink... well thats a lie.... i dont want to drink... my brain wants to drink.
My head is whirlin today... i should be pleased... can i not even give myself that!!!!!!
My emotions are all over the place... crying... angry... guilty
I think im gonna try and sleep the rest of this day away... not very practicle... theres still 7 1/4hrs of it to go... but i need it to be tomorrow.
Why thats gonna make a difference i dont know... maybe cos i can go to work... no time to think of me..
Be well
louis