2ndBest

Hi There, it's me again.

I have not posted a long rambling message in a while, not since my A of a H decided to crash my car. $625.00 later (not too bad, he says!), He still is drinking and driving. Surprised? I'm not.

This was about 3 weeks ago that this happened. The day after, I kept my cool and pretty much said nothing. I let him take care of it all. But he was just waiting, primed and ready for me to say any little thing to him so that he could jump all over me. And he crashed my car! He wanted so bad to tell me what a bad person I am, etc., etc. So I let him. When he was done, I told him how I felt (the old you shouldn't drink because you can't control yourself speech, you do have a drinking problem, it is controling you not the other way around). He seemed to listen, and agreed with me, but then again, he always does.

Then he started drinking again after a few days of being sober. Said he was not going to drive and drink, only drink at home. Then it was back to drinking and driving. He somehow managed to get his license back within the past few days (was suspended for 2 DUI's), so now his #@%$ does not stink, and he can do what he wants. I have to deal with the obnoxious behavior at home, because now he drinks at home, and he goes out and drinks too.

Never you mind that I am 35 weeks (almost 9 months) pregnant. Or that I have a 17 month old son that I stay home with every day, as well as a 10 year old daugher. Never mind that I dread going into labor on a day or at a time that he is or has been drinking.

He is supposed to take medication for Adult ADHD, but does not take it on a regular basis, especially if he has been drinking, in fact, he is completely out and has not really made an effort to get more. He puts it all in my hands (enabling or helping him out?). That way it is my fault. When he goes off of his meds, he drinks more. When he drinks more, he forgets to take his meds. We're talking about a 30 year old man here. Has no clue how to take care of himself.

He goes through money like it was water (or in his case, I guess I should say beer!), and then admonishes me for spending too much on neccesities. We got in a mini fight (I walked away) about this tonight. He was upset that I spent money on a gardener (never mind that we recieve notices from management on a regular basis) when he can do it himself (he never does, will leave things half finished or horribly done forever). No thank you for saving him work, only admonishment for spending money. He can blow through $100 in a day on beer and whatever, but I can use it for necessities.

I just don't get it. I am so tired of overindulgence, overspending, lack of control over temper, drinking, gambling. I'm tired of a million white lies in a day. I'm tired of pretending so hard that these things do not bother me when they really do.

Please forgive me for rambling. I just am tired, and I feel very alone and unsupported. I would appreciate any feedback anyone may have.

I have been working on detatchment, and it has helped quite a bit, but I get off track and I get really angry that I even have to work on something like this in the first place. Why can't I have a normal life, a normal husband?

What's it going to take for him to change his ways? Or will he ever?