I think this is a similar question to the other thread about why relapse happens even after rehab. I spent way too many years of my life trying to figure out what would work for him. All I can say is it really doesn't matter whether they go to AA, counseling, rehab, church, yoga, or bowling. The only thing that makes a difference is a desire to change.
It's the same for me. I tried all sorts of ways to get him to stop drinking. Compassion, caretaking, understanding, manipulation, coercion, threats, crying, begging, you name it, I tried it. Finally, I discovered that his drinking was not the source of my unhappiness. It was me. I had to admit that I was the reason I was unhappy. And then I had to commit to the hard work of changing myself. Nothing he did or didn't do solved my problems. I had to be willing to change.
Counseling helped me, but not because counseling is the cure-all. I used it as a tool because I genuinely wanted to change. No outside force can create that desire, it comes from within. Until he has that desire, nothing will work.
L