Look, I'm really sorry you are having a hard time and all, but give us a break on the impaired driving, please! You are going to kill someone out there. You can do whatever you want to your own life, it's yours to screw up, but stay off the roads before you run into one of my kids out there. Honestly, you need to lose your license if you can't stop using before going out.
I'm going to tell you what someone told me that helped me: If you want to stop using, you are going to have to stop using!
Have you gone to any meetings? Have you attempted to get a sponsor, or a network? What have you tried? When you say "Maybe I'm just a lost soul meant to die as an alcoholic" it sounds like you are just excusing your own behavior. If you want change, you must change your behavior. What can you do today to stop this? And if you cannot, are you willing to at least stop endangering others on the road? Because this is inexcusable and it is within your control.
KJ