Iamlucy

Ive been in this out patient program for a week now and have drank every single day after I left. Yesterday I showed up late and a little buzzed (why I went to a recovery program buzzed I have no idea) its the addict inside of me.

They could tell and asked me to do a blow test which I refused, then they called an ambulance and asked me to go to the hospital and detox again which I also refused because I'm sick of detoxing.

They told me when I left they were going to call the police and sure enough they did. All of a sudden I was getting pulled over and 4 police cars were behind me. I swore up and down that I didn't drink and I am so lucky that I didn't get a DUI because I already have 2. I'm sure this one would have been my last one because I would have lost my liscence. One of the officers told me that he knows that I was on something just didn't know what and said he was going to let me go but follow me home which he did.

So now I'm back at square 1, I got kicked out of the program, almost got a DUI and have to figure out how I'm going to detox to get these terrible shakes off. I've been in and out of detox since about age 14 and I'm 27 now.

I hate what drugs and alchohol has done to my life and I don't know if I'm strong enough to quit. I continue to go back even though I know the outcome. Maybe I'm just a lost soul meant to die as an alchoholic. Even though I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself I feel like I'm dying a slow death thru drugs and alchohol.