Hi everyone!
Whew, it was a tough week. We have had our 2 girls (20 and 23) here for the week and I think if they weren't leaving tomorrow, I would jump off a ledge! I grew up as the only girl with 2 older brothers, so I have no basis of understanding how 2 same sex siblings can be so competitive! When they are little, I can understand, BUT now? Each of them b@@#ched to me endlessly about the other. I would say nothing or, on occasion, "just let it go", or rarely "you are 20 and 23, work it out amongst yourselves". But they just kept at it and at it and at it....
I could have so drank tonight. Really. I was close, too close. But I thought to myself "What will that accomplish?" It won't change anything. It will make it worse. Their anger towards each other will focus and explode on me. It's their last night. Don't ruin it, by losing it. Grit your teeth and you'll make it. Funnily enough, at dinner, everyone was drinking BUT me and tensions seemed to lessen. If it had been me, I would have probably lashed out with all the things I have been thinking (but not saying) all week and all hell would have broken loose. Then tomorrow I would have been so furious with myself and Everyone would have been furious with me. Ugh, it would have been awful.
Months ago, I would have drank. Tonight, thank God, I thought it through and made it through. I did need to vent though and I appreciate all of your cyber ears more than I can say.
But here's where I am confused. I'm supposed to say what I think in order not to bottle things up or I will drink. But I tried to say stuff in a nice way (and not take sides, which would have been disastrous). But it didn't work. I know that I am responsible only for me and I am responsible for the effort, not the outcome. Why do I still feel frustrated? Why, when I drink, do I get angry? Why when other people drink, do they get happy?
I don't think I'll ever understand, but I will keep on going tomorrow, grateful for another day of reprieve.
Thank for listening.