Originally Posted by
lucybooz 
i can't see what could have done this to him.
There is no way of knowing IMO. Just be sure it's not your fault! And at 41 he sure is at the point where he could choose to seek sobreity if he wanted it. His reasons are irrelevant. He doesn't want to. As sad as that is, it is what it is.
Originally Posted by
lucybooz i love him with all my heart and i pray for him every day and night but i've come to realize that is all i can do for him anymore. i'm done taking his actions personally and done hurting and feeling sorry for myself. i have truly been there for him each and every time he has "recovered", and then-some. there is nothing more i can do but hope and pray that one day lightning will strike him and he will wake up and find joy in whatever time he has left on this earth. it's so hard to let go of your own flesh and blood, but for my own sanity, i must.
It was hard enough to let go when it was as a spouse. I'm sure in many ways its much more difficult as a parent. You have my prayers.