north

I used to think the exact same thing - or rather, such meetings would be an incredible amount of time to commit to in order to stop drinking. But that was when I was drinking and before I decided to stop.

I've only been sober since the start of February and joined AA about the same time. When I decided that I wanted to stop drinking for good (rather than one or two months), the decision was a bit overwhelming. Stopping for one month was easy - like being asked to tread water for 3 hours in a pool. Stopping for good was scary - like being dumped in the Atlantic and not having any clue when you might be picked up or not.

I had a good friend whom I knew had been sober for 10 + years and understood he went to about 3 AA meetings a week. At the time, I thought "well, I am glad AA helped him get sober, and he is a great guy etc but honestly I could just not imagine myself going to 2 or 3 meetings a week! What a shame he needs to do that in order to remain sober..." When he suggested I accompany him to an AA meeting in response to my question, I also thought "well, he's a great guy but my impression of AA is that the meeting will be mostly burnt-out losers moaning about their problems. What the Hell does that have to do with me?" Anyways , I agreed to accompany him.

As far as I was concerned, I had never had a rock-bottom experience, drank only 1 to 2 times per week (down from 2-3 times), never "craved it" and did not drink at home or in the mornings like I heard some people did. My concern was that incredibly annoyingly persistent one in five times when I would end up over-drinking in a one-nighter regardless of what my original intention had been earlier that evening. ("just a few drinks, and I'll be home soon, honey"). Partial black-outs and sometimes plain crazy judgment calls.

My first AA meeting dispelled all my negative stereotypes. I met other professionals like myself (and my friend) and they were far from being burnt-out ... more like energetic and happy. Also, very supportive. I realized my problem was not so unique and that even though mine was not a problem every single time my lips touched booze, it was a problem that unchecked would lead to one of those 'rock bottom' stories.

What about the problematic issue of attending 2 to 3 meetings per week? Well, once I realized and accepted my problem, my mind did another instant calculation ...

• Time spent drinking 1-2 times per week: 4 - 12 hours
• Time spent attending 2-3 AA meetings/wk: 2 - 3 hours

Factor in time or efficiency lost to hangovers, and the gap becomes even larger. For anyone who drinks more frequently than I did, I am certain the math will prove even more in favor of the meetings.

And, it's not just the matter of time. You questioned whether attending the meeting was allowing alcohol govern one's life ... well, in my case, I realized how subtly I allowed my priority on social drinking to govern my life. I recently was invited to apply for an adjunct teaching position at major university that I am now considering. Previously I would have rejected it immediately out of hand as there was no way I could ever see myself give up my Thursday or Friday evenings for after-hours drinking. Only now do I see how short-sighted that was.

Although my period of sobriety has been only about one and a half months, after the first two weeks of mentally adjusting to the change, I have found maintaining sobriety easy to do - and this was thanks to AA. Otherwise, I know I would have simply struggled with one month of sobriety, persevered and then relapsed. Somehow I am not struggling anymore, sobriety is something I really want. I never thought it would be possible for me to go to a rowdy St Patrick's Day party and remain comfortably sober or enjoy a long dinner party with friends while forgoing the offers of wine without reservation and downing ice teas instead. Even when I feel like **** in the morning due to stress, illness or crappy weather, the reminder that I would feel at least 5 times worse if I were hungover perks me up instantly and makes me grateful to be sober.

As I explained to a friend who questioned whether it was 'difficult not to have at least one drink'... it's relatively easy for me to not drink alcohol at all. What would be absolute Hell for me would be to have me just one or two drinks at dinner or a reception and fighting myself the rest of the evening from downing 7 to 17 more drinks.

One might argue that if I feel that way about my current sobriety, why I need to keep going. The answer is simple - fear of relapse. All my 'drunk dreams' ( which I never had before I decided to quit ) have me at some enjoyable dinner party and then suddenly realizing with horror the wonderfully refreshing G&T in my hand has been my 5th or 7th drink and that I have relapsed.

The other unexpected factor was that I found myself really truly enjoying the fellowship in the meetings. In a way, that was what I was probably seeking in the first place when I drank to excess with friends and strangers.