No one has ever seemed to take care of me to the extent that I take care of others. I don't know if that makes sense or not... But it's like, I always seem to go "above and beyond" and do all the little things to make sure my friends and family are happy and well taken care of. But when someone has to take care of me for a change, it's as if I get the bare minimum. I won't be left to starve or dehydrate, but that's about it.
I'm tired of constantly having to be The Grown Up. It wears me down. I need there to be a Second Grown Up in the house with me. If I wanted a third child I wouldn't have had my tubes tied.
I'm starting to have daily flashbacks, or reminders, for lack of a better term of why I used to want to drink so much. What I was trying to get away from and forget about. It's really hard now, not having that crutch to lean on. I find myself searching and searching for SOME way... any way to get that feeling of escape back.
I feel so out of the loop. So disconnected. Here. With my best friend (if I can even call her that anymore). With my mom and dad. With everyone and everything. I don't feel like I BELONG.