Humble Pie
There are days even though I have been clean and sober for quite awhile I find myself alone with me. This can be a scary neighborhood.
I have a routine, things that I do on a daily basis that normally take me out of myself and put me in the right frame of mind. Then there are days were I just have to sit on my hands.
I ponder these off days and try hard to focus on the cause, for it is days like these that I have to be careful.
One thing I know is I go through burnout in my job and I have to let it go when I'm unable to save the world. I have to remind myself that the success rate in this field will never come close to 100%.
Another reason I think is when someone doesn't see things my way and I get angry. The danger is it creeps up on me and then bang I realize a resentment has been building.
This happens sometimes when I am trying to wave the AA/NA banner, thinking that people are not getting it unless they are doing these programs.
On days like this I wake up, pray, read the daily medetations, eat, pray some more and still feel lost in self. The phone, the big book, the Bible, all seem like they weigh 500 lbs. Making the choice to pick up a drink or drug is not an option, for this is choosing death. Therefore my only option is to find the root of the problem and it always boils down to three words everytime;
"losing my humility!!" I'm either not getting what I want, or, getting what I don't want which is normally some "Humble Pie."