Thread: Decision
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Old 03-19-2009, 03:16 PM
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Mattcake
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Decision
I've been thinking a lot. Again.

Looking back on one year+ of recovery, something pretty obvious dawned on me:

I never made a conscious decision to begin my recovery. I've never made a conscious decision, period.

Recovery sort of happened. I made it up as I went along, absorbing new ideas, relying on different tools, reaching out when I needed help. Quite frankly, though I've put a lot of effort into recovering, my current situation is a big, sloppy mess. It really does reflect my approach to life: well-meaning but ultimately misguided.

I eschew goal-setting and deadlines. When I'm forced to make a decision, I scramble and freak out until a haphazard solution arrives - and the solution always includes a lot of conditions, tiny writing and clauses; it is always subject to change without notice.

So much for that!

I now realize that my attitude is irresponsible and passive-aggressive. My problem is not addiction, per se. But addiction illustrates the endless loop I find myself in.

I am overwhelmed and dazed. I hope that conscious decisions will bring me some clarity. It is time to set some goals, and make decisions in my life. Conscious ones.

Are you good at decision-making? Any tips?
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