I'm going to therapy, but it's like... she's so positive and wants me to be. I always have to leave being positive, acting like she's helping me.
And would your therapist agree that you "have to leave being positive"? Does she bar the door and force you to smile or something? Sometimes we read more into this than is really there.
Does SHE know of any group therapy kinds of settings where you could get together with others and talk it out? If you try a few different meetings and find that you just don't care for the thought of a higher power, the 12 steps, or listening to/sharing with al-anon people, maybe you should stop wasting your time with it.
I too wanted my friends to just listen to me and my problems and my history, and offer me "help" (whatever I thought that might be). I don't have any of those friends any more. I burned them out with needing them to understand what they couldn't understand, and they slowly stopped answering the phone when I called. I blamed them then. I don't blame them now.
Recovery is hard work. We have to want to change, as grewupinabarn points out. And that can be the toughest part of all. For many years, I was too in love with my own sweet sadness to really want it, and I stayed stuck right where I was.
Just my own journey....you actual miles may vary...