Originally Posted by
dolce7dolore 
Thanks for the responses. I just am having a hard time connecting with anyone right now, including "close" friends. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's very hard. Every time I hear more about these meetings, I dread going to them. I don't like the 12 steps. I just want to talk to people about my experiences. They say that the healing process for ACoAs has to involve connection with other people. I go to these meetings and all they talk about is praying. I don't pray. I don't get to talk about my experiences or listen to others. I wish I had that option. I talk to my friends and they change the subject. It's like, I'm actually reaching out for help and it's not there. I'm going to therapy, but it's like... she's so positive and wants me to be. I always have to leave being positive, acting like she's helping me. I'm not very positive.
I hear what you're saying -- but just sharing your experiences isn't enough; if it were, there would be no need for a "program," per se.
I'm basically an atheist, in that I do not believe that there is a divine being up there (or out there, or whatever) watching over us. It grates on me when I hear someone in a meeting go on and on about how they feel "blessed" and how they owe it all to "my higher power, whom I choose to call God." That comes across, to me, as sanctimonious and know-it-all. But that's part of the "leave the rest," as in "take what you like and leave the rest."
But the thing is, just sharing experiences doesn't help you move forward. It helps you realize you're not alone -- and that's important -- but to "get better," you have to roll up your sleeves and work at it.
As far as I'm concerned, the 12 Steps are NOT a sequential 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12 program that Must Be Done In Order Or You're Not Doing It Right... but they embody a lot of important therapeutic ideas that help you deal with the effects of... whatever it is you're dealing with. I don't worry too much about "where I am in the 12 Steps," or any of that. I have never sat down and done a Fourth Step Inventory™ with a sponsor -- yeah, it's on my eventual list of things to do, but 13 years in, I still haven't got to it yet.
But there's a reason why you need some structure, and why the program works a certain way. Some meetings end up being just random sharing about whatever's on the person's mind -- but those types of people tend to stagnate and say the same things meeting after meeting, year after year, without really "getting it."
Try as many different meetings as you can -- that's easier with Al-Anon than ACOA, because there are far fewer ACOA groups -- and find one you like. That's the best you can do. Oh -- and get a copy of Courage to Change and/or the other daily meditation books....
T